little miss ginger

“ It is one of the hardest things I have ever done not having you in my life. I fell for you the same day I meet you when I jumped off the water fall with you in the water below me just in case I where to get hurt. You were my securities blanket as we played our flirty games first semester. Every single time I look at you my heart misses a beat and then continues on ten times faster. You cared about me when no one remembered who I was and I was fading slowly in to a grey that was unrecognizable. It is hard to deal with this place without you. Your laugh your smile your eyes everything about you was my reason for getting up in the morning at one point. When I could not be near you I lived in anticipation for your text because I just wanted to talk to you. When you told me you had liked me since the very first moment you saw me I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. It is hard to catch someone’s attention that jumps around faster than lightning and is as confident as thunder when you are just a mere tear drop in the storm. This is the insignificance I felt when being with you but you made me feel alive. You made me believe that I was capable of anything. When we kissed I felt more sparks than I have with anyone else. I thought I could be different but I should have known better with you. Just as Jane Eyre fell hard for Mr. Rochester and knew deep down inside that it could never be it was the same with us. Except we don’t end up together at the end of our story. We were never meant to be. I am too timid and shy you are loud and outgoing, I do not like big crowds and you thrive in them, when things get hard for you drink, when things get hard for me I sit in my room and watch girl movies and eat ice cream alone you are the burning fire and I am merely a speck of dirt. I know you played with my heart I am fully aware that I have absolutely every right to hate you after the crap you put me through but I simply cannot be mad at you. You have lied over and over and over again and with all my heart I wish I was strong enough to yell and scream and tell you that you do not deserve me that I am much too pretty and worth so much more than how you treat me. But I cannot bear the thought of avoiding your gaze every time you look at me I could not bear the thought of never texting you again I could not bear the thought of acting like you never meant anything to me at all when in fact you meant the world to me and you still do. You occupied my every thought and it is so unfair because I know for a fact that I did not have the same effect on you. I would be lucky to run in to your mind if I am standing right in front of you. I hate you for lying to me so much I wish you would never have told me that you wanted to take me out on a date and tell me that you were ready to settle down finally because clearly you are not one to ever sit still with a girl and stare up at the stars with her you will never be able to enjoy the still simple beauty that comes from a commitment because you are to busy moving and to busy worrying about what others think about you to be concerned with someone else in your life. You do not care about me, I know now that you never have, and I am pretty sure you only talked to me when the moment was right because I talked to you. When we were finally able to be together after our time apart you fled and wreaked my heart like a tornado. It is not fair.”